happy 4th july

I would probably have not thought this if I had not just got done with Shoulder the Sky, by Anne Perry. I like Anne Petty, but in small doses. If you ever want to experience early 20th century, read her books. She has two or three series out and about and Shoulder the Sky is the second book in her World War 1 series. Naturally it talks about war. She is a very descriptive writer so you can almost see, hear and smell the destruction of this war.

So tonight I’m watching fire works. I love fire works as they are so inspiring. Several thoughts run through my mind as I watch. Memories of past fourths, the quality of the show, and other such mundane thoughts. The one that I would call the ‘theme’ of this years fourth is “Thank god I live in America where that noise means beauty and excitement instead of another country or time where it only meant death and destruction. Fireworks are a thing of beauty and they are there to remind us that people die for our county. They die, lose limbs or families, in a vain hope to get education of some sort but mainly because this country of ours asks that of them.

I’m a pacifist. This doesn’t mean that I am incapable of honoring those who fight to support their beliefs. I’m also tired so Happy Fourth of July!!!

waste or not

“here’s to all of us finally following through, whether now or months or years from now. as long as we do it: use, not waste, these lives of ours.”

Quote by Slouchy on June 22, 2009, #23 comment for ‘Transplanting, growing and thriving: Some thoughts on Success. In Her Able Hands (http://herablehands.com)
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That makes me think. Not everyone is going to be famous. How does one use a life? Who gets to decide what that use is? Women have it worse I think. Women, the society says, should have children. Marriage and children. We are supposed to love being pregnant, be useful raising children, be the source of those children’s inspiration. Yet, I’m not a man so maybe there are thoughts that men have about what society expects of them.

I don’t like begin pregnant. I’m a single parent with a single child.  She is an  exceptional human being, but more because she is exceptional than because I am. I do hope I am a little of her inspiration but not quite comfortable in being on a pedestal. All that said, I’m not quite sure if I’ve had a ‘useful’ life. I’m not sure I was meant to.

The buddhist way of looking at life starts with live today in the moment. I’m not aware of every waking or sleeping moment in my life. I don’t quite think anyone can be aware of all moments. Not sure that we are meant to have that kind of memory. So already my life is a waste. Except, I have had an exceptional life up to this point. I have stories to tell and stories to listen to. I try to be kind and to show my beliefs more than stating them. Do I have my own business? nope. Do I have a huge circle of friends? nope; I do have some friends.

I can go around and pick up various yardsticks and fail to reach the heights of each one or I could get my own yardstick and measure myself against it. I choose my own yardstick.  That way I can also decorate it the way I want.

Good thing I’m not a serial killer don’t you think?